This is Who I Am

I was laying in bed thinking about this picture....

Paris, rue des Chantiers

The expression of my face and the gesture of my hand. Look what I’ve done. I have pleasured myself to the point of losing control. I have moaned; I may have looked at my face as my body throbbed and I procued the liquid that conveys life down the generations…gazing just a little into my eyes…how…is…there…ever…any…shame…or…reluctance…?

Looking into my face, I practice loving myself. One of the ways I do this is to hang loose

Of course I thirst for Me Self. I am existence. I am Atum.

Oh I love how women honor my longtease odyssey to self reconciliation…each becoming mother. Each looking into my eyes as I took you for my reflection. I am so grateful to you Woman who has helped me stabilize into my selflove. For that spot where my selfthirst is my selflove and we understand that.

My face is: This is my semen. I have expended my passion. That is where the shame can rush in! Feel me — passion and love and thirst precede my oh so exquisite orgasm release into physical throbbing as my body is reduced to the one purpose of producing semen.

My liquid life whose expression reminds me that I am still in the pliable space where my surrender is still so rich and I feel so vulnerable and where the shame can seep in. It is difficult to know that anyone would see this and be aware of all of my different feelings…my hesitation and reluctance

I’ve ejaculated into my hand with a feeling of profound sweet love of existence and acceptance of my emotions. Right now saturday night I am experiencing how confronting it is for me to see this and accept that I did this and am sharing about that fact. And admitting I may have wasted my semen even as I thirsted for myself. Loving that shame and encourating me to write the story to my own desire. What I want is a photo of my full mouth. To see and to show. Right at this i’m so knowing I want a man as my witness.

And when I first wrote this, my thoughts were

, I don’t know if I licked my semen back into my mouth and absorbed myself. I was not fully ready at the time. Oh I wanted to. My orgasms have evolved from a mix of thirsting for cunt and thirsting for myself…to now, it always comes back to how that mirror got so spattered.

Me licking up fresh cum in mid orgasm from video created by Paloma Dove, Paris. She was my first, you will crave and thirst madly for my cunt but it’s not for you. Do what you do. Paloma I love love love love love you for this and I love your full plump cunt forever.

But I knew my need; none of this was new to me. I get to complete the photograph as I reconcile with my self as I was still developing the maturity of self acceptance. I’ve found a so loving so honest scene of my licking fresh cum from my fingers before a woman who had become my first conscious orientation on we agree you shall not have my yoni. My beloved Dove guided me into the understanding that this was my choice. And with unbearable surrender I adored that she went to Barcelona to take her lover.

Another scene of Paloma photographing me mirror masturbating. My utter desperation for sucking and smelling her cunt helped me relax into such nakedness.

Living in Paris I had not considered really submitting cunt back to the goddess. I had episodes. I was denied. I was granted mercy cunnlingus. Paloma took me in and invited me to lick and fuck her. To worship at her gateway to existence, paravritti.

This is a whole paragraph mm hmm. I was being granted most delectable yoni. Women who understood my need to smell them at the shore of the universe. Drink her seawater.

Yet deep in…I knew.

Somewhere it was all the way down in the bottom of my orgasm, between the pulses, the residual face of which you see. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for holding the space where I taste the deliciousness of my shame as I let go.

I am talking about the whole photo below. Moments earlier I was squirming on that couch, grunting or moaning as I do (I love to orgasm vocally, it puts me deep into my femme). I was probably begging myself to drink my cum, vocally and out loud and reverberating into the corridor outside because sound traveled in this building.

Maybe I licked myself. If so, I want to see the picture of my wet mouth….and show you…

Paloma’s photo of me licking my semen off of a mirror. This was the first time in front of another human. And it was my beloved Vestal to whom I prayed who without words helped me understand this is what would be happening. We never talked about mirror celibacy.

In the self portrait below, which my heart races at the notion of setting free, I have ejaculated into my right hand,

which means it was cuppped over the head of my penis as I came. Usually I spurt into my left palm though that hand was holding the camera remote. Spurting into my masturbating hand gives the sensation of cupped vagina which I miss so much. Oh feel me.

I became my cupped vagina.

There is a lot of semen. My prick is hard and long and my balls are still full and stretched in delight after full throbbing ejaculation. But it is the gesture…and the transparent expression on my face, my eyes peeking out in soft bliss…this is my semen, look what I’ve done. This is who I am. Look at the expression of my selfthist selflove. I want to see myself and I want to show you.

This is who I am.

The reason I keep posting these audios is to keep confronting myself with them. I’m sure you may imagine when I hear myself or receive the message from exisence, I must slide back and let go and if not love then forgive.

Cheryl channeling Camille.

I sent this to her…after sending it to Neal and every woman in my life except for She and Zed. Finally after I sent my music to Claire, I could do it…right in that moment I professed my cosmic love and gratutude for existence to her and pushed send…

This is Eden doing mock mommy. In thanking my mother for existence and my self semen thirst I completed a core Original Intention for this liftime. I wholly prostrated myself to her as goddess.

My confession is not that I have done this but that right now I love myself for everything I am feeling and wanting to share with existence. I am a mirror cumshell celibate self semen sniffer and licker. Yes I am feeling shame as I send this at 947pm

I seem to be saying PLEASE ACCEPT ME. O my that is my expression and in whole truth and nothing but: I am saying please accept me to myself.