Elliptical Mirror
Slipping closer
I sometimes wonder how I can do this and still I do. Meditating on this mirror, I understand something…everyone who held it or holds it to my face understands. As in emotionally embraces the truth this offers to me. Such sense of being felt and recognized is the thing I’ve always reached for in intimacy. Then as I went deeper into agreements not to fuck, no vagina agreements, that beauty seeped into my awareness: this thing you want is finding its way to you…through my path of acknowledged mirror masturbation. The Acknowledger holds up the mirror and I dare myself to face myself. Is it easer or more difficult with my witness? Stabler. I stretch my time more gently. My witness is my excuse to dare and stay present daring. If a woman faces herself, she is modeling for me how to see me. If she orgasms herself, she reveals her gentleness. All of the semen on my mirror went back into my body, and slowly I revaled my face to my eyes. I gaze into the ellipse and imagine all the times I cried out, every and each, with the sense of getting a little closer to no turning back.
